Every town has that one person who's just a little different, whether it's the guy who makes statues out of sheet metal or the local diner owner who also happens to run a cat shelter out of their home. They are the kind of people that give a place its character and soul. In a town in Colorado, they have Vince Rozmiarek, who erects funny signs to brighten up people's days. Here are some of his most recent and funniest signs to date - and they're sure to make you laugh out loud!
Someone's Getting Scolded
This pun is really funny, but it's also kind of painful. We know firsthand how much heating bills can run, so even thinking about leaving the front door open makes us wince a bit. Vince wrote "My landlord wants to talk about the high heating bills. I told him my door is always open." Imagine your landlord actually coming up to you and asking about the bill, and you responding with this.
You'd probably get a pretty shocked reaction before getting scolded and having to explain that you weren't actually leaving the front door open, at least we hope not.
You Can't Not Laugh At This
Vince the sign guy is known for his clever puns. It's kind of a hallmark of his, and this sign is no different. We're not sure how he came up with this one, but if there are any fruit farmers in town, we're sure they got a good laugh out of this sign. It reads, "Fruit farmers eat what they can and can what they can't." In other words, it's referencing the fact that they can a lot of fruit.
Actually, you don't even really have to be a fruit farmer to get a good laugh out of this pun. We're sure everyone who passed it by on the road chuckled at least a bit.
In It For The Long Haul
Getting over any addiction takes a lot of willpower. It doesn't matter what kind of program or method you choose to help you. We're glad Vince is finally tackling his hiking addiction, but from the looks of this pun, it sounds like he still has some work to do. He hasn't even made it out of the woods yet, just imagine how he's going to feel once he gets home.
In all seriousness, though, we kind of feel him on this one. It can be tough cutting back on time spent in the woods or out on the water. Luckily, we don't have to. Maybe we have a problem?
Another Incredible Pun
This is probably one of our favorites on this list just because it's so clever. It reads, "I bought a fake koi fish... It's my dekoi." The best puns are simple and surprising. Who doesn't love koi fish and couldn't relate to this one? Now, every time we come across a koi pond, we're going to be thinking about this joke and maybe even checking out the koi to make sure they're all real.
Honestly, if you're lucky enough to have a koi pond at home, it isn't a bad idea to put a dekoi in there to fool birds and other predators.
Truer Words Have Never Been Spoken
Part of the reason we enjoy this sign so much is the simple fact that it reminds us of playing hide and seek when we were kids. Like, seriously, when was the last time you played? Anyway, this sign can be read in two different ways. On the one hand, Vince could be complaining that he can't find anyone else to play hide and seek with. We feel him on that.
On the other hand, he could be seeing that those who are really good at hide and seek are just really hard to find, which is what makes this sign so great.
Here's A Pun For Hawaii
We're pretty sure that everyone's heard the term aloha before. It's used to say hello and goodbye in Hawaiian. However, if you break it down, as Vince did here, you can come up with a pun like "Laughing out loud is forbidden in Hawaii because it's a low ha state." In other words, it's a state where they laugh quietly. This one is pretty clever, and we've never thought of aloha like that before.
Of course, if you've ever been to Hawaii, then you probably know that they do nothing but laugh quietly there, and the people very much enjoy a good laugh or two.
So, It Was All Just A Dream?
Here's another banger by Vince the sign man. "When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination." He's playing off the phrase, "a figment of your imagination," but honestly, we like this one just as much. Could you even imagine dreaming in only color? What would that even be like? Would there be images or patterns? What about words? Vince might've actually stumbled onto something surprisingly deep here.
He can probably add making people think deeply about things to his list of skills, right alongside making people laugh and brightening up their day. It's not a bad set of skills to have.
Something Sticky Is Going On Here
We're curious as to what exactly Vince did to warrant something like this. Putting glue on a firearm is kind of sketchy, especially if it's put in or near the chamber. Vince writes, "I think my wife is putting glue on my firearms. She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns." We could just imagine someone's hand being superglued to a pistol or rifle and not being able to break free.
We'd imagine a firearm is one of the last things you'd want your hand glued to, especially if you have to walk into a hospital to get medical help.
Sounds Like An Episode Of "Cops"
Honestly, this pun could and probably has happened many times in real life. We could see a guy, for whatever reason, wearing nothing but their underwear and fleeing from the cops through a field or leading cops on a car chase. In fact, we're pretty sure nearly every episode of Cops featured at least one chase scene like this. Just imagine being a cop and having to tackle a criminal wearing nothing but boxers.
Honestly, we'd probably prefer to just chase them and let them go, depending on exactly what it is they did, of course. Sometimes, you'd probably just have to tackle them whether you really wanted to or not.
The Ultimate Debate: Tea Or Coffee?
If you really think about it, tea and coffee drinkers have this really weird relationship that's not outright hostile but also not warm. Maybe it's because tea used to be the drink of choice for most people around the world, but now that distinction probably goes to coffee. Whatever the reason, this sign made us chuckle. He wrote, "I got booted from the coffee club because I wore a tea shirt."
It's pretty clever, but it also begs the question: what exactly are you allowed to wear to the coffee club? Is it only long sleeves and dress shirts? Sounds too fancy to us.
Education Is The Key To Success
While we certainly know that a lot of the kids that go to boarding school probably don't want to be there and boarding school usually isn't anything like what you see in movies and on T.V., there's still something kind of fascinating about it. At least, if you're on the outside looking in. That aside, this is a really clever play on words using the "boarding" from boarding school from Vince the sign guy.
We're sure you learn more than how to get on an airplane when you're sent off to boarding school, but again, we've never been, so maybe it is really overrated.
It's Good To Reflect On Work From Time To Time
Believe it or not, there really is a job out there where people inspect mirrors. Or, at least, there are people who restore old mirrors. Maybe that's what Vince was referring to when he wrote this sign, which reads "Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing." Honestly, it sounds like a pretty cool job, but starring at yourself all day also sounds like it'd be a bit tiresome.
You'd have to be a borderline narcissist to enjoy something like that. It's just you and your reflection for hours on end, slowly doing whatever it is mirror inspectors do.
Cut Out The Adjectives And Adverbs
A lot of people don't really realize how important it is to have an editor. Whether it be an editor who works with words or one who works with photos and video, it's important. They basically do exactly what this sign says: they cut out all the filler and make things concise and to the point, sort of like this sign. We wonder if Vince the sign guy has an editor.
If so, they did a great job with this pun by making it short and sweet. It skips the long story and gets straight to the punchline as it should.
But Did He Walk Or Drive?
If you've ever worked with paint before, then you know paint thinner basically does exactly what it sounds like. It helps thin paint that's too thick. It can also help clean oil-based paints. We're not sure if Vince knew that before heading out to the store to pick some up, but from the looks of this sign, he returned to the house pretty depressed. No worries, though, a couple hundred more trips, and he might start seeing some progress.
Getting thinner just takes persistence and willpower, something we imagine Vince has a lot of. He has to in order to make so many funny signs as often as he does.
A Pun For Science Lovers
This one requires a bit of knowledge about science. It reads, "I wanted to marry a carbon 14 expert, but all she wanted to do was date." Carbon 14 is a radioactive isotope used to date really old objects. However, poor Vince could also mean that the expert didn't want to marry him and instead wanted just to date. It's a really clever pun, and there's nothing we love more than science references in jokes.
However, it does make us wonder what the specialist is actually dating. We bet that'd probably be one of the coolest jobs out there and you'd get to see all kinds of different things.
A Fulfilling Hobby
Here's another pun where Vince the sign man may have accidentally stumbled upon some real wisdom. He wrote, "It doesn't make any cents but volunteering is rewarding." It's true. You won't even make a cent when you volunteer, but that's not the point. It's a rewarding thing to do and most people volunteer to give them a sense of purpose. Helping others is great, but you can't do that if you don't feel good about yourself.
Once again, the sign man surprises us. We wouldn't be surprised if this sign inspired a couple of drivers to actually go out and donate their time to an organization.
Not All Interest Is Good
It's usually a good thing when someone's interested in you. It means you might be doing something right. However, rarely do we hear people say they're happy to receive interest from bankers, and for good reason. This sign is actually financial advice wrapped up in a clever pun. It reads, "Being in debt attracts a lot of interest from bankers." Of course, he means monetary interest in this sense.
After all, that's how they make their money on things like loans. So, the moral of the story is to try not to get yourself into too much debt; otherwise, you'll be forced to pay a lot of interest.
We've All Been Here Before
Without a doubt, one of the most frustrating things you can do is go somewhere or walk into a room and completely blank out on why you're there. Luckily, Vince the sign guy seems to have solved that annoying problem. "I wear memory foam insoles to remember why I walked into the next room," he wrote. Of course, it's just a joke, but one we actually wished really worked.
Unfortunately, all memory foam insoles do is help your back and feet stay comfortable, which we guess is good too. Now we just need something like that for the brain.
Someone's In The Doghouse
Here's another really clever pun that made us laugh out loud when we first read it. We're not sure exactly what it is that Vince did, but it must've been pretty bad because he wrote, "I married my wife for her looks, but not the ones I'm getting lately." Sounds like he really messed up, meaning he probably deserves all of those bad looks he's getting. Still, we can't help but feel a little sorry for him.
Hopefully, it's just a rough patch, and the two can get things fixed soon. Until then, Vince is probably going to get a lot more looks from both his wife and those driving by reading his signs.
This Scenario Is Actually Pretty Frightening
As soon as we read this, it reminded us of the movie Star Troopers for some reason. Maybe it's the image of giant bugs. Anyway, Vince wrote, "Swarms of flying insects threaten town! Police deploy the swat team." Those bugs would have to be seriously huge for the police to deploy the swat team. Of course, he's playing off "swat" in swat team here but it still freaks us out a bit.
It's also kind of cool how he wrote it like a headline, making sure to leave out the article in the last part of the sentence and making us think of some of those old-school newspapers.
Hope It "Peels" Better
This joke is a kind of low-hanging fruit, but we love it all the same. The sign says, "The banana went to the doctor because it wasn't peeling well." Just in case you missed it, "feeling" was replaced with "peeling." You know, because you peel a banana. We'd wish the banana well, but we know it's going to be alright. Bananas are one of the healthiest fruits out there.
In all honesty, we wonder where Vince the sign guy gets all of his ideas from because we imagine it's not an easy task to come up with this many jokes and puns.
Sounds Like A Match Made In Heaven
Every married couple fights, so it isn't too surprising seeing that the manicurist and dentist fought "tooth and nail" as this sign puts it. This actually seems like a really great match since these are two professions that provide pretty common services. If your mom or dad was a dentist and the other a manicurist, you'd be set for life. You just need a stylist or barber in the family and maybe a trainer and you're good.
Imagine all the money you could save from not having to pay to see a dentist alone. Those cleanings can add up and braces alone are super expensive.
When You Take Things A Little Too Literal
Everyone knows someone like this. You tell them something or ask them to do a simple task, and they take it way too literally. The sign reads, "My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read anything!" She meant that he needed to pick up some ketchup from the store, but instead, he just poured ketchup all over the list. Maybe that's why she was mad at him in a couple of other signs on this list.
At least he didn't get to the grocery store and just completely forgot to pick it up, which is arguably worse and more frustrating than covering the list in ketchup.
Sounds Like An Unappreciative Guest
Honestly, the first thing that ran through our minds when we read this were ethical concerns that Vince was feeding his chicken another chicken since that's how we eat our salads. However, it looks like he just made his chicken a salad using leafy greens without any kind of animal protein. Obviously, the chicken just ignored it and continued clucking around because he put this sign up shortly after.
He probably could've gotten the chicken to eat the meal if he would've thrown in some seeds or berries, but they're never going to touch lettuce and other greens.
Why Else Would You Be There?
We could be completely wrong here, but we always thought that the point of having a therapist was to overcome issues related to not being able to express emotions. Sure, there are probably a couple of other reasons, but in general, most of them relate back to this. So, if we were paying someone as much as some therapists make and they came back with this, we're not sure how we'd feel.
Of course, that simple fact in and of itself is probably one of the reasons we'd be sitting down in front of a therapist in the first place.
Time To Raise The Roof
Here's another really clever sign by Vince the sign man. It reads, "Women's roofing expo this weekend. All the shingle ladies will be there." Shingles are the things that cover the top layer of a roof and keep all of the moisture and elements from out. If you've ever roofed before, then you probably have some fond memories of carrying loads of heavy shingles up a ladder and onto roofs.
It's definitely no easy task so partying with "shingle" ladies sounds like a fun time. Good thing they scheduled it for the weekend cause the last thing you want to do after roofing all day is stay up late.
Day Rates Do Tend To Be Cheaper
We kind of feel bad for Vince here. Having high nitrates means he might have a UTI, and if you've ever had one, then you know it can be very painful. However, we don't see how switching to day rates is going to help. Jokes aside, this sign is another clever pun that replaces "night rates" with "nitrates." He's saying the doctor told him he's charging too much at night, basically.
Either that, or he misinterpreted the doctor when they told him he had high nitrates. For his sake, we hope it's the first one because, again, UTIs can be painful.
Cue Punchline Drum Sound
This sounds like the type of joke Siri would say, but we love it anyway. The sign reads, "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return? A stick." It's simple but clever and it makes sense in more than one way. A boomerang that doesn't return is basically just a stick. Also, the word "stick" means to stay in one place, more or less. For example, like something that's sticky.
On a side note, boomerangs are probably one of the coolest inventions we've ever seen, and nothing you can say can change our minds. It's a piece of carved wood that cuts through the air and returns.
Still Better Than Not Taking Karate At All
If you've never done sports, then it can be hard to understand just how difficult martial arts can be. There's so much technique and fitness involved in taking martial arts that it's honestly kind of insane. That said, it can also be a bit dangerous, and you may get injured once or twice while training, just like you would in any other sport, so Vince getting a black eye is perfectly normal.
We just hope that doesn't dissuade him from continuing to train and get better because the benefits knowing martial arts far outweigh the cons of having a black eye.
When They Still Made Real Music
If you need an example of just how big the Beatles were, then consider how modern music can sometimes seem separated into two periods: before the Beatles and after the Beatles. This sign reads, "Larva was a great band before the Beatles emerged." The sign is playing on the Beatles's name and the fact that beetles start out as larvae. It's clever and witty but now we really want to hear the music from the Larvae.
Fun fact: the Beatles took their band name from a movie about a motorcycle gang with one gang called the beetles. The movie starred Marlon Brando for all you film aficionados.
It's Not His Time Yet
This sign is pretty funny, but so is the fact that the James Bond franchise has been going on for what seems like forever now. It's a good thing they actually replace 007 in the films' storylines because if it was one agent throughout the whole series, then they'd be seriously old by now. This sign reads, "James Bond sports gray hair in his latest film 'No Time To Dye'."
The sign is referencing another James Bond film called No Time To Die, and just in case you missed it, he switched out the word "die" for "dye."
There's Something Adorable About The Thought Of This
We aren't big fans of ants, especially fire ants, but there's something strangely adorable about the thought of little "anty" bodies. Maybe it's the way he spelled it here. Vince the sign guy wrote "Ants never get sick because they have little anty bodies." Considering how crazy strong ants are and all of the other things they're able to do, we honestly wouldn't be surprised if they really never got sick.
This is one pun that we're not going to be able to get out of our heads, if only for the way that anti-body was spelled like "anty" here.
Sounds Like A Tough Act To Follow
The funniest thing about this sign might just be that there's actually a band out there called The Hinges. We thought that it really sounded like a band name, so we Googled it, and sure enough. Anyway, Vince's band was also called The Hinges. It turned out that they opened for The Doors, who were one of the most popular bands in the world at one point. Vince the sign man has lived quite the life.
It's hard opening up for a big act like that, but we're sure they performed well. In all seriousness, could you imagine bands with names like these actually touring together?
This One Took Us Awhile
We're not going to lie, sometimes a joke just goes over your head, and this was the only one on this list that really took us a second to figure out. It's just really easy to miss the "and" part here. It reads, "To spell the word panda, you just need P and A." Put everything together and you get the word "panda." But when we first looked at it, we were wondering how P and A were enough.
Turned out that this sign was just too much for us. Fun fact: There are multiple words for panda in Mandarin and the word "panda" is Nepalese and means "eater of bamboo."
The Real Question Is Who Has More Horsepower?
While we have cars now, horses are still used for a couple of different things, including by mounted police officers and for racing. They also just used to get around in rural places or for enjoyment, so all of this begs the question, "Do race horses slow down when they see police horses?" We're not sure, and we're also not even sure there are speed limits for people who ride horses.
A quick Google search says that there used to be speed limits for horses in places like large towns and cities, but we're not sure those laws are still enforced.
This Sign Technically Isn't Wrong
We all know that the Wright brothers were the first to build and fly an airplane. However, we've heard people mistakenly attribute the feat to Henry Ford, who founded the Ford Motor Company. Both of them lived during the same period, but Ford wasn't too focused on airplanes at the time. Instead, he'd go on to come up with things like the assembly line that made cars affordable for the first time.
He was also one of the first to implement the five-day workweek, which was an improvement over the previous six-day and 70-hour workweek. But anyway, technically, this sign is true, "It wouldn't have been Wright if Ford invented the airplane."
Time To Cut Back On Subscription Services
Subscription services are everywhere these days, and in some cases, they're turning into nothing more than what T.V. is: channels with ads, only more expensive. But we digress. We totally understand how Vince the sign man must've been feeling when he put this one up. The sign says, "Please cancel my subscription to your issues." It sounds like someone has been complaining a little too much and he's tired of hearing it.
It's okay to vent a bit, but there's a fine line between venting and just downright being negative about everything. We can't stand the latter and we can sympathize with him here.
Maybe He Can Tap Into His Savings
Vince's neighbor was probably looking at this sign and was like, "way to put me on the spot." It's clever wordplay that uses the word "well" both as a physical well that you draw water from and as a state of being. The sign reads, "My neighbor couldn't afford his water bill, so I got him a get well soon card." If you have your own well, then you don't have to pay a water bill.
In most places, though, you have to pay a fee and buy an expensive pump in order to drill down and find out if there's any water below your property or not.
An Example Of Flawless Logic:
There are just some things you can't argue with, and this sign is one of them. "If you wear a sweater and sweat are you the sweater?" it reads. We'd say, yeah, you are and you and the sweater are now one, at least linguistically speaking. Vince the sign man once again has us thinking about some really deep questions that border on funny puns or jokes and philosophical questions.
Also, have you ever noticed how the word "sweater" is like the most unappealing name for a piece of clothing ever? Nothing at all sounds fun about wearing a "sweater."