This article was originally published on Kueez
Most people dread a visit to the hospital. No matter what you are there for, it's usually never fun, and this is for many reasons. You get stuck waiting for long periods of time, and then you are poked and prodded by multiple doctors and nurses who don't seem to want to tell you a thing. Even though the hospital is definitely no vacation, every now and then you get a glimpse of some of the hilarious behind the scenes moments taking place there. From hilarious puns to patient antics, these are the most entertaining things people saw at the hospital.
1. This Sign Was Posted Next To The Scale At The Doctor's Office, Men Should Take Notes
There are specific topics you should avoid when talking to women, and that includes weight and dieting. These are sensitive topics, so men should proceed with caution. In the doctor's office, a patient snapped a pic of this sign hanging next to the scale, and it could save someone's life.
Many people packed on a few extra pounds during quarantine because there was nothing to do besides bake bread and make whipped coffee. It is ok if people gained weight, but it is not anyone else's concern than the person who gained the weight.
2. "Hold My Beer And Watch This" Is Usually Followed By "I Need An Ambulance"
If you have ever been to a college frat party, you have probably witnessed someone say, "hold my beer and watch this" before they do something very stupid. Whether they are jumping off the roof onto a plastic beer pong table or sliding down the stairs on a mattress, that sentence always leads to someone ending up in the hospital.
It is unclear if this person works at the hospital or he was coming in as a patient, but we are sure the nurses can agree that this is a true statement. Alcohol causes you to do stupid things, so be careful when you drink and don't trust your friends when they try to show you a new stunt.
3. When You Want To Make It Perfectly Clear Why You Are Getting A Procedure
When this man wanted to get a vasectomy, he was very explicit in his health form. He made it clear that he did not want children, and this has been his desire since he was a teenager. At the time of his procedure, this man was 32, so he is taking all precautions to avoid the possibility of having offspring.
The male doctors laughed at his responses, but the female doctors were far from impressed. These forms are usually for someone with a medical condition, but he decided to answer even though the questions didn't apply to his surgery. When he said his symptoms improve by cutting down trees, he must have meant family trees.
4. After A Leg Amputation, This Is How The Patient's Brother Showed Up To The Hospital
When you have to get anything amputated, it is a very serious procedure. Most people have to make difficult decisions to remove one of their limbs. In this case, the patient's twin brother wanted to lighten the mood after surgery, so he came dressed as a pirate. You know, because pirates usually have a peg leg.
We hope this guy threw his prosthetic leg at his brother for showing up as a pirate. Since he has an eye patch, his depth perception will be thrown off, and he will be at a disadvantage. At least his brother showed support even if he was making fun of the patient.
5. When You Need To Go To The Hospital, But You Also Have To Take Care Of Your Elderly Pet Ducks
This woman was facing a life-threatening illness, but she didn't want to go to the hospital because she wanted to stay and take care of her ducks. The ducks needed daily medication, and she was the only one who could give it to them. Luckily, there was a lovely nurse on duty who let her husband sneak the ducks in the hospital.
This woman loves her ducks like they are her children, and she wasn't going to let them go without their medication even if she was very sick. She had to get all her ducks in a row so she could feel better about being in the hospital.
6. Someone In The Hospital Really Wanted Pizza
At the Children's Hospital in Los Angeles, one patient, named Hazel, put up a sign in her window requesting pizza. She must have gotten sick of the hospital food, and craved a delicious slice of cheesy pizza. Fortunately for Hazel, she captured the attention of many people and made it onto the local news.
People started sending this Hazel plenty of pizza, and since she wasn't going to be able to eat it all by herself, her family fed the nurses, doctors, and other patients on her floor. Hazel was a vibrant little girl who was well known on the pediatric oncology floor, and she sadly passed away in 2018.
7. Dr. Hedgeh(og) Reporting For Duty
Dr. Hedgeh must really hate hedgehogs because she is not a fan of people adding "og" to the end of her name. Maybe she played too much Sonic the Hedgehog as a child and started to resent the blue video game character because she kept losing.
This doctor could also dislike the simple prank because she has childhood trauma of her classmates calling her hedgehog. No one really knows the real reason why this doctor hates jokes so much, but she needs to lighten up because it is all in good fun.
8. The Chiropraptor Is Not A Fan Of Raptor Humor
This prankster created a new profession; instead of a chiropractor, this doctor is now a "chiroraptor." Who doesn't love a doctor who can make your back pain extinct? Despite how funny it is, the doctor kept removing these funny notes, so the prankster had to think of new material each day.
Maybe he didn't understand the joke until the prankster put up the last sign. We wonder if he decided to leave the papers once he realized what a "Chiropraptor" was. He could get a lot of new patients because of these silly pranks. Paleontologists love dinosaur jokes.
9. The Airport Is A Great Alternative To Paying For Expensive Medical Tests
Someone saw this posted at a late-night clinic, and it is low key accurate. In America, health care is very expensive; therefore, many people cannot afford it. If you go to the airport, you can get an X-ray in the scanner, a breast exam in the full-body pat-down, and colonoscopy if they think you have things hidden internally.
Buying the plane ticket to get to security is much cheaper than a hospital bill. No one can afford their medical bills these days because hospitals will charge you $40 for one Advil when an entire bottle costs about $15. They are robbing us blind.
10. The Laser Eye Surgery Was Such A Rip-Off
Everyone wants to be able to shoot lasers out of their eyes like a superhero. The obvious way to achieve that is to have laser eye surgery, right? That is the procedure where they put laser beams in your eyes, or are we getting confused?
Well, if you can't get the power to shoot lasers, at least you no longer have to struggle with glasses and contact lenses. Having perfect vision is almost like a superpower in some ways. You can brag about how much better you can see than all your friends.
11. Someone Saw This Hanging On The Wall Of The Lab Where They Were Getting Blood Drawn
When people go to get their blood taken, they are probably not excited because few people like having a needle stuck in the arm. Going to the lab for a blood test is much easier when you know there is going to be some fun wall art to lighten the mood.
Cheesy jokes like this can help you get over your fear of going to the doctor's office because it eases the tension and creates a more relaxed environment. This is the kind of dad joke every lab tech needs in their office.
12. Merry Sperm-Mas
At this person's fertility clinic, she saw the Christmas tree had been donned with knitted sperm. That was the only appropriate way to decorate a tree in that doctor's office. The only thing that would make this tree slightly better is having an egg at the top because it looks like all the sperm are swimming upwards.
It's funny how happy the sperm look even though only one of them will survive. Also, who was tasked with knitting 17 sperm with Santa hats? That must have been difficult to explain to people who saw the knitting process.
13. Forget The T-Shirt, Let's Talk About The Sick Fanny Pack
This person was at the Veterans hospital when he saw this guy with his funny t-shirt. He asked the man if he could take a photo and it would only be fitting that the man stayed stone-faced. It really shows his seriousness about the joke.
While his t-shirt is the main focus of this picture, not enough people are talking about his sick mustache and bald eagle fanny pack. We need to know where we can get one of those. This man is awesome, and he fought for the freedom of the country, so we salute him.
14. When You Ask For Water And They Bring It To You In This Cup
When this person went to get their blood drawn at the lab, they asked for a cup of water. They did not expect the nurse to bring back a cup that said "urine sample." We would be wary of drinking whatever is in that cup.
Wouldn't you have trust issues it the nurse gave that to you and expected you to believe it was really water? What if she thought it was water, but someone happened to be very hydrated that day. They should have separate cups for water and pee.
15. When You Mistake Builders Expanding Foam For Your Hair Mousse
We have never seen someone more over life than this woman. We don't know if she needs a doctor or a hairdresser more, but we know she needs a stiff drink and a reset on the day. It must have been quite embarrassing to explain this to the ER nurse when she walked in.
To be fair, who leaves hair mousse sitting next to the builder's expanding foam? Those two should not even be in the same room, let alone sitting right next to each other. At this point, she should just shave her head and rock the buzz-cut look.
16. Every Time Someone Comes In With A Fish Hook The Hospital Puts It On Display
We didn't know how common fishing accidents were until we saw this wall of fishing hooks on display in the ER. Every time someone gets stuck on a hook and comes to the hospital, they save it and display it in the hallway. Imagine if you were a repeat offender, you would be famous at this hospital.
You probably thought that hooks were only used for catching fish, but they can also catch people. If you are looking for a life partner, you could just go fishing for one, and you might meet your person in the emergency room.
17. The Eye Doctor Loves A Classic Dad Joke
Whenever a doctor makes a joke, it is calming because they always have to be so serious in their line of work. We have a theory that doctors are the funniest people, but they can't show it because they always have to act professionally.
This eye doctor wrote his patient a sick note but made sure her office had a good laugh when they got the memo. Many doctors think sick notes are a waste of time because companies should believe their employees instead of wasting a doctor's time.
18. Runaway Leech Caught On His Way To The Blood Bank
This leech got sick of the AB+ blood it was feeding on and decided to head to the blood bank for some tasty O-. This leech prefers his blood from a universal donor. How long did they let the leech go before putting it back where it belonged?
If you didn't know, leeches are still used in modern medicine to help improve blood flow after constructive surgery where there is poor circulation. The leech removes clotted or congested blood from these delicate areas. They have been used since the times of ancient Egypt.
19. This Is What They Teach You In Med School
This is probably the last book you would want to see in your doctor's waiting room. We are pretty sure that doctors take an oath to do no harm when they get the medical degree, but that hasn't stopped a select few. At least he is reading about how not to kill people.
It is always comforting to see doctors trying to improve their skills and become the best in their professions. Imagine looking this book up on Amazon, and a doctor left a review saying, "one star, did not work, had several patients die."
20. Eye Have My Eyes On You
If your anesthesiologist came into the operating room with two sets of eyes, you would probably wonder what drugs the nursed slipped into your IV. However, this doctor was just having some fun to make his patients feel like they saw double.
It is a slightly cruel joke, but doctors have to find something fun to do when they deal with trauma all day. We would love to know who drew the second set of eyes because that person is a talented artist.
21. Blood Finger Paintings While Waiting In The ER
After this man crushed and fracture his finger, he decided to paint a picture while waiting for the ER nurses to treat him. He drew a lovely picture of what appears to be the devil playing with a dog in the sun. He is very imaginative with his blood.
He could have let his blood pool into one blob, but why waste it. Now he has a piece of art to remember his accident. Whoever cleaned up after this must have had a good laugh and also wondered what happened to this child when, in reality, it was an adult.
22. When You Give Birth On Halloween
During Halloween, babies are still born, but that doesn't mean doctors can't enjoy the holiday and dress up. The doctors could, however, choose less creepy costumes that won't scare the baby the second it comes out of the womb and enters the world.
If our delivery doctor came in dressed up as the joker, we would close our legs and hold that baby in until he changed. That is way too scary for everyone involved, and not how someone should remember their child's birth.
23. Here's A Video Game Your Boyfriend Won't Want To Play
When you go to the doctor for an exam like this, you probably want them to know what they are doing. This is one way for doctors to practice their skills without having to hurt any real patients. Just imagine needed a prostate exam, and your doctor says, "don't worry, I have a high score."
This must be awkward for not only the doctor practicing but the dummy who is stuck to the desk naked. At least they can get the eye exam done while they do this very uncomfortable procedure.
24. "I Work At 12345 Surgery Center"
This medical building looks like the generic brand of a hospital. It has all the same features that a hospital would have, but you pay less, and it seems sketchier. This surgical center is located in St, Louis, Missouri, and the actual address is 12345 West Bend Drive.
The designers must have been lazy or cheap because they wrote "medical center" on the building instead of the actual name, "South County Surgical Center." Maybe they ran out of money by the time they got to the final touches of the exterior, so they went with the cheapest name.
25. "Coffee And Happy" Is The Latest Calvin Klein Cologne
Laughter is the best medicine, and this nurse made his patient laugh when he said she smelled like a face mask after she said he smelled like coffee. When you go in for tests and scans, it is not fun, so it helps to have kind people working with you to make the experience better.
The doctors and nurses who have an excellent bedside manner can make going to the hospital a much more comfortable time. They are the people who work extremely hard, save lives, and still have a smile on their faces; not many people can say they do that.
26. Grandma Can Crack A Joke Even After Three Broken Ribs
After three broken ribs, this woman had to stay in the hospital, and while her grandchildren were visiting, she still found ways to make them smile. At a certain point in life, you need to learn to laugh at stupid things because there is no point in being prim and proper all the time.
This woman can be on the reboot of The Golden Girls. She would fit right in with Betty White and the gang. Hopefully, her broken ribs don't cause her too much pain when she laughs because that would be tragic.
27. They Are Asking Valid Questions
When you are making a sign for the bathroom, you have to be very specific and clear with the wording. You can't leave room for people to ask simple questions like this, even though it is hilarious for the other patients.
When patients are asked only to flush toilet paper, and nothing else, it might be confusing since other things go inside a toilet. Hopefully, it was just someone playing a silly prank and not a serious question. If it were serious, we would not want to be the person who had to clean up.
28. If You Hear Laughing From The Hospital Bathroom, They Are Reading This
When children stay in the hospital, they need activities to keep them busy and creative. The adorable drawings that they create are great ways to decorate the hospital because they are bright, colorful, and occasionally make people laugh uncontrollably.
One person noticed this hilarious drawing on the wall stating, "I bought an anteater, and I brought it home, and it ate my aunt, and I found out it was an AUNTeater." Children are way funnier than we give them credit for.
29. Cute Holiday Greeting Cards From The Urologist
This person works at a fertility clinic, and the urologist they work with sent them this greeting card for the holidays. We really hope the inside said that they are wishing everyone a white Christmas. If they did not use that joke than it was a wasted opportunity.
When you work in fertility and urology, you have to be comfortable talking about certain things, so it's only fitting that they would use sperm on their holiday cards. Apparently, out of all the specialties, urologists are the funniest.
30. "My Wife Said A Bow And Arrow Was A Bad Present, But I Didn't Listen To Her"
When you give your child a bow and arrow, you should probably expect that nothing good is going to come out of it. The nurse in the corner looks just as confused as the man's wife probably was when he came home with the toy for their child.
His son might have been the one that shot the arrow, but the father is the one who stood somewhere in front of the target. You should always stand behind someone who is shooting a bow and arrow, so you have no chance of getting hit like this man.
31. The ER Nurses Decided To Rename The Gummy Bear Flavors
We cannot give enough credit to nurses. They work tirelessly and have to deal with horrible things for long shifts. There are so many responsibilities that come with being a nurse, and sometimes people are rude even when you are the person who is helping them.
The nurses decided to have a laugh and rename all the gummy bears after illnesses that resemble those colors. You can go from light green (nausea) to dark purple (he dead). Even as someone who has to deal with so much, they manage to find humor in the little things.
32. This Is Exactly What Doctors Want Their Patients To Read While Sitting In The Waiting Room
Usually, doctors get annoyed when people come in with self-diagnosis from the internet. However, this doctor is providing the tools for you to diagnose yourself while you wait. Why turn to the internet when you could go to your doctor's waiting room and find out that your headache is probably cancer?
It would be funny if you opened the book and found there was only one page with the word "everything" on it because you have every possible disease known to man. That would be the perfect guide to self-diagnosis for hypochondriacs.
33. Date A Nurse, They Said. It Will Be Fun, They Said.
There should be a dating app for nurses who can find people who are willing to deal with their long hours and hard work. Some people don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is working all the time, but they are missing out.
The people who don't want to date nurses or doctors because of the long hours clearly have never seen this clipping from the nurse's calendar. Nurses are probably the only people who can never be grossed out by things their partner does because they have seen much worse.
34. The Most Accurate Pain Scale We Have Ever Seen
Usually, the pain charts only show a one to ten scales, and that can be confusing because everyone feels pain in different ways. People have different pain thresholds, which means that one person can feel like a two, while another could feel like and eight for the same reason.
This pain scale is much more descriptive and helpful for people to describe how they are feeling. Let's all be honest, 2020 has felt like a nine or ten according to this pain scale. Things just keep getting worse, and a ninja attack would be much less painful.
35. Doctor Of Disguises
We can understand why a doctor would wear these funny glasses to make his patients laugh and feel more comfortable, but why is the patient also wearing them? If our doctor told us to wear these during a physical, we would lose all confidence in them as a doctor.
Maybe the doctor is on the run, so he has to wear this disguise at all times, and he makes patients wear it because it blurs their vision of his real face. We don't know what the reason was, but it seems a bit weird considering the patient is not a child.
36. The Hospital Is Sending A Strong Message To Their Patients
When you go into a hospital for whatever reason, you are probably hoping that you are going to leave alive. This hospital is sending a different message by having patient rooms looking out into a cemetery. That might make you want to leave the hospital immediately.
Some people are dealing with severe illnesses, and the only thing they have to look at is a cemetery reminding them what could happen if things go horribly wrong. Whoever thought building a hospital next to a cemetery would be a good idea had a sick sense of humor.
37. That Doesn't Look Very Hopeful
When women give birth, they can be in the hospital for days because labor can last for a long time. There are many mixed emotions, and sometimes, their spouses don't know what to do with their time while they wait until their woman starts to push.
This man decided to use his time by photoshopping a scene from Star Wars into the rehab ward. What else would you be doing while your wife is in labor? At least he could make her laugh while she is screaming in pain from contractions.
38. When You Want To Make Sure Nothing Gets Amputated Just In Case
When you have a limb amputated, the doctor will usually mark the arm or leg that should not be touched. This is just in case because accidents happen. In this situation, this girl was going in for a procedure not involving amputation, and she wanted to make sure her surgeon knew nor to remove a leg.
It might be funny before surgery, but when she finishes and has pain medication, she might have a little heart attack to check if her legs are still attached. Everyone in the operating room probably had a laugh when they saw that she wrote on herself.
39. This Is How They Show Children What Surgery Is Going To Be Like
When young children have to get surgery, it can be terrifying because they don't understand what the doctor is going to do. This doctor decided to use the game "Operation" to demonstrate how simple her procedure would be.
Based on her room, it seems that this little girl has been in the hospital for a while, so we hope the surgery helped. We love that the doctor gave a hairnet and mask to her doll as well so she could be part of the procedure.
40. The Cane Is Made From His Old Hip Bone
If you saw someone walking around with a cane that had a bone as the handle, you would probably assume that it's fake, right? Well, this man had a hip replacement, and his one request was that he wanted to keep the old hip bone after surgery.
The doctors were probably confused, but they let him take home his hip bone after surgery. Little did they know he would have a cane made out of it to help him walk. It is rather odd, but he wanted to get some more use out of that hip.