This article was originally published on Buzzerilla
The internet has allowed people to express their feelings and thoughts with complete anonymity, thanks to our ability to hide our true identities behind our screen names. The ability to express our true feelings and thoughts without fear of reproach has allowed for sharing of some truly spectacular and hilarious truth bombs on Twitter, Reddit, and other social internet websites. If you're ready, join us as we go through the best of them.
American Cooking Shows Have Gotten Intense
Cooking shows are a common pastime of many people worldwide. However, one has to acknowledge how different American cooking shows are from the rest of the world. If you weren't aware of a massive difference, look no further than this post. As the original poster says, British cooking shows focus on how lovely your crust is, while American cooking shows have "released raccoons in the kitchen" and your knives are screwdrivers.
We're not going to lie; with cooking shows such as Hell's Kitchen and chef stars such as Guy Fieri and Gordan Ramsay, it is pretty apparent that this post is true.
The Reality of Family Vacation
The massive pandemic that closed the world for a few years meant that places like Disneyland were shut down. Liz here observes that people are out there protesting for Disneyland to reopen so people can go there for a family vacation. However, she raises the excellent point of asking why families even want to go there for vacation. These families will go there to spend all day in the sun for a few short rides and then drive home disappointed.
This extended excursion for a few minutes on some rides doesn't seem worth it, and then, there will be the usual massive family fight at the end of the day.
They Have so Much on Their Little Hands
There are cute animals in the animal kingdom, and then there are terrifying predators in the animal kingdom. Fortunately, this person decided to share their thoughts on one of the cuter species, the Pangolin. If your initial reaction might be that these animals don't look remotely close to cute, then you've not been paying attention. As this person points out, "they always look like they're about to hesitantly present bad news to their sovereign lord," and they aren't wrong.
With their little hands together and their bodies making it appear like they are bowing their heads, it looks like they are about to express terrible news to their parents and fear punishment.
Don't Get Caught in a Lie
Everyone knows that getting pulled over can be an extremely stressful situation. Even if you're sure that it is only for a simple speeding ticket, you will still be pulling your hair out. Despite this, when this person got pulled over, they decided to lie to see if it would get them out of trouble. Unfortunately, we can't imagine this worked out in the person's favor. That'll probably result in more than a speeding ticket.
When asked if he knew why he was pulled over, the man responded that it wasn't for "stealing a bunch of parrots." However, the parrots mimicking their abductor's laughter in the trunk might've been a giveaway.
Making Flamethrowers Useful
Elon Musk is a household name. From the owner of Tesla to The Boring Company, he has cemented himself as one of the wealthiest men alive. His success has been due to his massively profitable ideas. One of his lesser-known and less profitable ideas was that of his flamethrowers, which are sold through Musk's The Boring Company. However, there are rumors that Elon is attempting to create a zombie apocalypse to increase the demand for his flamethrowers.
Musk denies that this is the case, but we are having difficulty finding fault in this business strategy, and if anyone could create a Zombie Apocalypse, it's Musk.
Facebook Is Still a Thriving Social Platform
There are so many social media platforms out there that it is challenging to keep track of all of our accounts. Another difficulty is that we continue to compare our lives to those we see online, and we all know better than to do that. However, this person highlights how we compare ourselves to others across platforms. Twitter shows us who is more successful, Instagram makes us feel ugly, but Facebook is the sweet spot.
Why is Facebook the sweet spot? Because there is where you go, as the poster says, to see former classmates in jail for murder. And we are all doing better than them.
Guys and Gals Don't Speak the Same Language
It's common to hear that people have difficulty understanding the opposite sex. Men often feel that women are confusing, and women usually believe that most men don't have enough common sense to figure out how to screw in a light bulb. Honesty, arguing against the woman's viewpoint, is difficult with a story like this. A woman was trying to drop a hint by sitting in the same chair as her crush, and he still did not pick up on the hint.
She sat in the same seat and cuddled with him, saying she was cold. However, as this redditor explains, the man did not have a clue.
We Advice Against Making Friends With Crows
There is always one person in all our friend groups that we know would take the first opportunity to flee to the wilderness and become one with nature. Perhaps they are a tree hugger or just a bit anti-social, but this guy is taking that to a new level. After befriending a crow, this person appears to have attained the life goal of growing antlers and watching us "all die in [our] cities."
This person's plan continues that they will "only speak in clicks and whistles." If we're being honest, we can empathize with this, but we're also somewhat afraid.
That Crazy Professor From College
Everyone in college had that crazy professor. Perhaps yours was a mad scientist, or maybe they used their lecture as a practice stage for their stand-up routine. Either way, we all had one. Usually, in the modern era, online services allow us to avoid getting these unique professors by figuring out their red flags before taking the case. That is the case here when this poster asks: "what are some red flags for teachers?" And someone on Reddit answered their question.
They told their story of a professor who had a rule against phones. He was so committed to his practice that when his wife called, he threw his phone out the door. Nice work, professor.
Modern Ghost Stories
Ghost stories, either told around a campfire or in a movie, have one thing in common. The ghosts are from centuries past, and they either speak like they are out of some Shakespearean play or deeply believe in some horrible social norms from those periods. It makes one wonder where all of the modern ghosts from this century are. As this poster says, where is the "ghost from 2007 screaming, "ITS BRITNEY BITCH."
We are going to be honest, while ghosts speaking in old English might be the norm, there is nothing more terrifying than a group of 2000s teenagers with a Britney obsession.
The Watermelon Giver
We all have those odd coincidences that seem to live rent-free within our minds for years or even longer. Maybe for some of us, it is a strange person we once met; for others, it could be a unique encounter with something, but all that matters is that this moment or interaction will continue to occupy our waking minds. If you are inclined to induce this feeling into someone else, follow this person's advice.
Just leave a watermelon on someone's front step. For weeks, or even longer, that person will always wonder who left that watermelon and for what purpose the watermelon was left there.
The Truth About Making Friends
Making friends when you are a child is straightforward; you sit next to someone your age at the lunch table or on the bus, and the next thing you know, you have a best friend. However, this is not as simple as adults and is usually highly stressful. This person on Reddit asked a simple question, how do people have friends? The answer takes the pressure off us, "An extrovert finds you and adopts you."
We only need to wait for extroverts to come and find us. However, we imagine these extroverts will have a difficult time since we don't leave the house.
Another Dating App
Does anyone else feel that there are too many dating apps out there? We feel the same. However, this person might have the right idea. A dating app called "7.5." This app is only for people who fall somewhere in the 7 to 8 range on the hotness and capabilities scale. You know, the people who look fit but never actually go on the hikes they mention in their dating profiles.
Not only does a vast majority of humanity belong within these categories, but it'll finally allow people to be honest on their profiles rather than lying about all the 14ers they've climbed.
Guy's Expectations Are Too High
We feel that everyone understands that our expectations for our future spouse might be a bit exaggerated. Like, if we are going to be with ourselves, no one is perfect. As Thomas here accurately summarizes, men want the perfect girl who can also be their girlfriend, mother, and therapist at the same time. While the person wanting this is usually just some normal dude who is not bringing too much to the table himself.
However, while that is an accurate and fair assessment of men, we feel it's only necessary to remind all women out there that men will not all be Chris Hemsworth.
She's a 10, but an Airplane Clapper?
In our journey to find our soulmate, we always look for red flags. There are just some things that we know we are looking for in a relationship, and it is no issue to not tie the knot with someone who you are not in sync with. However, what happens if a red flag slips through the cracks and you discover one of their red flags too late? That is what happened here to Greg.
He tied the knot only to find out on their honeymoon that she was an airplane clapper. He made the right decision in flying back to America without her.
The Serious Corn Dog Question
One of the significant facets of anonymity around the internet is the ability to ask awkward questions we would never ask in person. Such as this person who is asking when it is appropriate to continue eating their corn dog while listening to someone tell them a depressing story. The internet likely had strong opinions both ways on this question, but we feel comfortable in saying that nothing should come between you and your food.
Although, we do acknowledge that bits of corn and hot dog coming out of your mouth during your friend's story about their dying family members might be a bit awkward for everyone.
The Secret Is Out
Have you ever looked at the reviews on a game from the app store? Have you wondered why there are so many people writing such detailed reviews? That question might finally be answered here. This person asks, "why do... mobile games want access to [the] camera on your phone?" The person responds that they want pictures of us on our toilets so they can blackmail us into writing those positive reviews we keep reading all the time for the worst possible games.
This might seem like a conspiracy, but the answerer to this question suddenly starts going off on a rant about how fantastic Candy Crush is, so who is to say?
Microwaves Are Not for Rocket Scientist
The saying goes that "it doesn't take a rocket scientist." This refers to the fact that something is simple enough that someone of average intelligence can do it. As the poster points out, microwaves seemed to have been invited only by rocket scientists. Why? Because they have just become way too complicated. As the poster points out, there are over a dozen settings and too many buttons, and no one needs all those options or buttons.
We have to agree with Ron here when he says, "look me in the eye and tell me you use the 7 key." We have never once used the 7 key.
Becoming an Adult Is Not What We Envisioned
Being an adult is not as glamorous as it looked when we were younger, especially for the millennial generation. We have just gotten into our mid-twenties, and in our few years on this planet, we have already had more than a lifetime's worth of experiences. This is pointed out here. Those of us between 25-30 have gone to graduate school, made no money at our first jobs, lost our first jobs, and gone through a global pandemic.
Thankfully we've found a way to manage the stress caused by all those life experiences... and that is Dungeons and Dragons. The massive tabletop RPG has become our "coping mechanism."
The HOA Might Be a Mob
One thing people learn quickly as an adult is there is something called the Home Owners Association. This HOA is a collection of the homeowners around you who collectively decide what is and is not permitted outside and around your home. If you want a new coat of paint or an extension to your home, you best hope the HOA is alright with that decision. If they are not, then you are in for a world of hurt.
This person describes this scenario where a lady, a representative of the HOA, came to fine this person for having a frog statuette. It sort of sounds like the mob, doesn't it?
Eating Lasagna in the Shower
Sometimes you just need to work through your stress, and we each do that differently. Otherwise, you might end up following this person's advice of consuming lasagna in the shower. Why would you eat lasagna in the shower? Well, because "it's not illegal" and "they can't arrest you." We are not sure why, but these are really compelling arguments for why we should all start consuming our lasagnas only in the shower.
If we ever needed a better example of what it was like to live as a chaotic neutral, this would be a highly accurate example of such a lifestyle.
Embracing Your Inner Child
Everyone knows that children can get away with saying the most insane stuff without any real repercussions. Usually, by adulthood, we know what to say and what not to say. However, this woman is encouraging more adults to embrace that inner child within all of us. She starts out simple with "running in the meadow," but she takes a sudden turn, following with the suggestion of "tell a stranger she looks like the lady in daddy's secret magazines."
While we could see everyone laughing at a child making such remarks, we are not so sure that an adult would get the same reaction. However, maybe this woman is onto something.
Two Types of People
There are a variety of categories that people love to sort the rest of humanity into. For example, there are political groups, fandoms, and more. However, there are only two actual groups of people: those who pack on the morning of a trip and those who pack a week in advance. This societal reality is noted quite expertly online by Dadman Walking, who makes the unique observation that these two types of people are fated to marry one another.
Why this is the societal norm, we might never truly understand. However, this might as well be considered a stone-cold fact, and now we know why fighting is somewhat familiar in marriage.
Family Recipes
Everyone who has met someone who is the proud owner of a secret family recipe is some of the worst examples of humanity. Zek points out on the internet, "it is not like your family is living off these cinnamon rolls." We cannot begin to comprehend why family recipes need to be guarded family secrets, especially when those same family members are confessing to you that they have been cheating on their wives.
We feel that in terms of keeping certain things secret that the priority would rank the secret marital affair over wherever or not you put clove in your cinnamon rolls.
The Awkward Fast Walk
Everyone who has ever walked in their life is well aware of that awkward situation where you are walking behind someone who is just going a fraction slower than you. They aren't walking slowly enough for you to surpass them quickly, but they aren't going fast enough for you to stay behind them. You now have an issue. Do you walk fast to get around, or do you accept your fate?
Our man here, Gabe, understands and appreciates that this is one of those incredibly awkward situations that all humanity understands and sympathizes with. Our only question is, what do you do?
The Aspirations of the Peasants
Everyone knows that life can be expensive, and most people are working extremely hard and barely scraping by on their paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle. People in similar financial situations understand what Mark here is talking about when he says he does "a double take every time [he] sees abandoned furniture on the side of the road." We also have the same mindset regarding Mark's life goal to be wealthy enough not to do that.
This only puts some financial life goals in perspective. You do not have to aim to be a millionaire, but you can seek not to furnish your apartment with alleyway furniture.
Taking One for the Team
Now and again, we might be blessed by meeting someone genuinely selfless. These types of people are few and far between, and we treasure every single one of them. This is an example of one such person. When someone on Reddit asked the internet for people to choose a skill everyone else in the world, aside for them, would get worse at, this person had the perfect answer.
They said that their chosen skill would be "being a dumbass." Their rationale? Everyone else would immediately become less of one and, therefore, become more intelligent and smarter—a true hero.
Midwestern Hospitality Has Secret Message for "Get the Hell Out"
Every culture has unique mannerisms and secret codes that only people familiar with the culture will understand. One of those from midwestern America might be the greatest one we know of to date. Instead of awkwardly having to kick out your guests from your home at the end of a visit, you, if you're in the midwest, can slap your knees and say "welp," and all your guests will automatically vacate the premises.
This cultural signal is necessary for every culture, and if your culture doesn't have this sort of signal figured out, why has it not been invented yet?
The Truth About Couch Potatoes
Now and again, it's nice to sit back and embrace our identity as couch potatoes. However, does anyone else find it odd that television often warns us from attempting to do these stunts at home while watching reality TV shows? Like, who do they think we are? We are currently embracing our identity as couch potatoes, meaning that it will take a miracle for us to even get off the couch, let alone do a stunt.
If we are being honest, like this poster said, we are too busy "sitting on [our] couch eating out a 5 1lb bag of M&Ms" to be doing stunts.
The Universe Won't Stop You
This person has made an extraordinarily accurate and slightly concerning observation about life. The reality is simple, "you can just do anything," as this person observes. You can do anything you want. As the posers writes, "you can go outside and start eating dirt... and the universe lets you." Due to this, this person is wondering why the universe doesn't intervene now and again with a pop-up saying, "Are you sure?"
And we believe that if the universe decided to intervene in such a way, it might just stop many people from continuing to do the stupid stuff they love.
Netflix Over Friends
People remember how cool it was to pass notes during class in school. This was an era before texting was widely an option, and this was the next best thing. Even the teachers noticed how the world how evolved with this Reddit post. In the late 1990s, teachers told their students to stop passing notes; by the mid-2000s, it was to stop texting. However, by the late 2010s, teachers told their students to stop watching Netflix.
Sadly, over the last two decades, students have gone from getting in trouble for socializing to getting in trouble because they have mentally tapped entirely out of school.
Jack Black and the Aliens
Jack Black is one of those actors who appears in the most random of films, even if his comedic filmography makes him an obvious choice for the role. He has been in everything from The Office to Kung Fu Panda, so it should be a little surprise to have him show up unexpectedly somewhere. As this person says on the internet, "if I got abducted by aliens and saw [Jack Black] just wandering around," they wouldn't even be shocked.
If we are being honest with ourselves, of all the famous actors out there, Jack Black and that guy from Ancient Aliens are the only actors we could see in that situation.
The Truth About Growing Up
Everyone as a child thinks that growing up will be fun and allow us to do everything that we want without our parents telling us that we aren't allowed to eat a five-pound bag of candy in one sitting, for example. However, the truth is more similar to this person's observation. Becoming an adult is getting married and having kids, so you will likely be stressing out every Saturday morning because your kid's uniform isn't dry.
If we are honest, you can still eat your bag of candy. However, you will likely do it secretly in the bathroom, so your kids and wife don't find out.
Men Always Have Dinosaurs on the Mind
There is this odd stereotype that men are always thinking about women. Even if they might be with their girlfriend, wife, or significant other, they will still think about other girls. However, the truth is a bit more depressing and is told here. This man gives out some friendly advice "if a woman ever asks if you notice anything new," then you tell them that they're beautiful and then return to "thinking about velociraptors."
This man's words are filled with some top-tier advice and also highlight some top-secret information about men. Men are not out there thinking about other women... we're thinking about dinosaurs.
We Are All Chronic Over-Packers
Those who have had the luxury of going on vacation understand that our "vacation" can be more stressful than staying home. One of those stressors is highlighted here by Michael. Typically, we use the same five things in our day-to-day lives and wear the same clothes. However, once we go on vacation, we are suddenly packing way more than we could ever wear and have packed our paperweight French horns for some unknown reason.
Yes, we're aware that we never used those special edition French horns, but we wouldn't want to end up in a situation where we needed it, and left it at home.
Tree Girl
Everyone wants to be famous. Perhaps, not movie star famous, but somewhat famous. However, no one wants to achieve fame this way. This person went on the internet to ask if anyone has ever wondered if stories are being told about you and the odd things you believe you got away with. Someone responded by sharing how they once fell out of a tree and years later was recognized by a woman who said, "oh my god, tree girl?"
Forevermore, this woman shall be christened 'Tree Girl.' May her fame and her infamy live on for generations. Hopefully, this girl leans into her new title instead of being ashamed.
We're Now Scared of Flying
Most people have flown on a plane at some point in their lives. However, some people have aerophobia and are incapable of flying due to fear. This might seem irrational, but this poster has given us an excellent reason never to fly again. As they said in their post, "as long as the 2 million parts in a plane work perfect... you'll be absolutely fine." While we appreciate her well wishes, we are pretty sure we'll drive.
We didn't even mention that all these parts must work precisely right while flying at insane speeds in nearly impossible conditions. So, ya, you know, you'll be fine flying.
The Person Who Is Terrible at Texting
Some text back right away, and then there are the people who use their text messaging app as a form of a high-stakes game where the more unread messages they have, the more points they get. Usually, this not texting is not intentional, as this person says they typically want to respond. Still, they usually wait a certain period of time to figure out the perfect text back; however, by the time they have it, it's been weeks.
This person even confesses to feeling "microbursts of shame" when they see this unanswered text in their "elephant graveyard of messages" on their phone. And, honestly, they deserve those microbursts.
Be an Ally to Women
Some people have a twisted sense of humor, and we are here for it. Take this person, for example; this Zack character says that the most important thing a man can do for his female friends is to give them "permission to give dudes at bars [their] numbers." Why, you might ask? When they call the male friend, "he can angrily say that's not funny because she died 15 years ago that very night."
This will have some of those men at the bars who thought they got lucky by getting a girl's number questioning the meaning of the afterlife and if they're haunted.
It's Nice to Remember the Little People
Often when people go to see movies in theaters, there is this understanding that once the credits roll, it is time to find the nearest exit. However, the post-credit scene has become the norm with the likes of Marvel and other franchises. Since you will be sitting through the credits anyways to see whatever post-credit scene is hidden away, why not follow this person's advice and look at all the people who worked on this movie.
Often, people such as "Clint Youngreen, assistant bear trainer #3," don't get the attention they deserve, and we are sure they would appreciate some recognition for all their hard work.